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American Baseball bat destroyed to disco tec   
10:50pm 23/02/2003
mood: sleepy
i can't wait for tommorow, i'm spending my day with my girl.the call yesterday was pretty tight, some things got to me.it was breathetaking to see thousands of people of every background, every age just praising God, dancing... on their knees, crying out.i think my feelings about it changed a bit when after people tithed this lady went up on stage and talked about how they needed more.i understood the fact that it must have cost a crapload of money to put it on but im not cool with someone asking for more money after tithe has already been given.maybe it just botherd me because she went on for ten minutes reading scripture on giving and so on.overall it was cool, ijust didnt get that much out of it when compared to soul survivor.
something about the call was fishy, i dont think im the only one who thinks so.
I miss Cinthea so much , i didnt talk to her all day saturday , it was HELL to not talk to her and hear her voice, she was on my mind and heart all day tho.
today when i heard her voice it was great, it felt like i was away from home and that call was me going home.
ok well i think its time 4 bed, i love y'all , Cinthea, LX , Liz ... whoever reads dis.

"there is no way to peace, peace is the way"
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11:34pm 20/02/2003
mood: peaceful
God is so good to me , life is great.A few more steps forward and it'l seem perfect.
I saw my love today and we drove to this rad graveyard in Chatsworth where her g-daddy is buried.
Ok , well this place had a beautiful historic chapel, seemingly overlooking the graves.We did the boy + girl thing and cuddled, nothing compares to the feeling of having her in my arms.She invited me to Chilli's so we had dinner there, well on her way into Chilli's she tripped, it was funny.She threatend to castrate me at her house , creepy.I got home around 9 so i headed off to the loft to see my boys (and girls).Sinai Beach was pretty dull ,musicly good but i don't know, i couldn't feel it at all.
The Warriors ripped sh!t up., they covered "no spiritual surrender" by Inside Out and "Set It Off" by Madball.We danced that place up.It was great to see Pat, Albert, Javi and David.. my bros i barely see.
Man, I can't believe how great my life is.I went from bieng an athiest depressed bastard to someone to this.
God, it's amazing the blessings he has poured over me.My friends, my family, Cinthea.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
Im rambling, it's not like anyone reads this anyway but for whoever does....deal wit' it.

ive had people ask me if i soled out my edge , or if im not into hardcore anymore, basicly if i moved on.
Well heres the truth,
As for straight edge , no i have not and will not break.why? its just a trend you say!,.You see, this is more than a promise and goal for myself but its an oath i took and a promise i made to God.i dont need the label , i dont need an x on my hand but theres an x engraved on this heart of mine.As for hardcore.... are you kidding me?!?!, this is my life told through music.I dont keep up with alot of new bands coming out or go to new school shows much only because i think most new school bands suck.Don't try and say im not hardcore because i dont listen to Atreyu or whatever is hot right now, that to me is not hardcore.
Hardcore is not metal , is not hard rock , is not rap.Hardcore is punk rock ,period.
Minor threat , SSD, Stalag 13, Bad Brains, Reagan Youth, Circle Jerks, Agnostic Front, Black Flag, The Bruisers, Iron Cross, YDL, WARZONE, Youth Of Today, Chain Of Strength, Slapshot, GB... thats hardcore.
I'm not a sell out at all , i just dont like 97% of new school "hardcore" bands and heck, i dont like the whole
fashion core, "i have an attitude because i look more hip than you" attitude, that crap doesnt belong here.
Its all been said and done, nothing coming out right now is new.The only thing to do for those who love the true and wish to keep it strong is to keep it true and make it strong.

* sorry thats so long , i just wanted to clarify for anyone who thinks im a sell out because i dont look like the dumb crowd, be yourself.

oh yeah PS. Cinthea i love you

PPS. tuesday night , 7-10 split, off the record at the stairwel , i forgothow much.

04:28pm 16/02/2003
mood: bitchy
yesterday i went to see my girl , it was fantasticz!.i watched her as she cleaned her room and
flipped through old pictures..... i saw old pictures of liz!.
i gave cinthea the dorkiest v-day present ever....... my teddy bear that ive held onto all
of my life.

well i got home and starting shaking and had a fever , i woke up this morning shaking
curled up in a ball in a puddle of sweat.... it was sick.i went to the doctors
and after 4 hours of waiting found out i had a fever of or above 102.8 ..... sux.
so im home now, i want to call cinthea but i cant say more than 3 words without coughing up a lung.

i love that girl so much ,my only real concern is that i hope i did not make her sick , who cares if im sick ,
shes my only real concern.

oh yeah....

word of the year "B.Oderish" (beeOderish). - Cinthea.
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Oh Man they were right... so much for trying to prove otherwise   
05:53pm 10/02/2003
Bondage movie! You're into BSDM (Bondage &
Discipline, Dominance & Submission) and chances
are, you're fond of whips, chains, harnesses,
and tight leather outfits. You like to mix a
little pain with a LOT of pleasure, baby!

What kind of porno would you star in?
brought to you by Quizilla
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05:48pm 10/02/2003
  Far-Right Conservative
Where do you fall on the liberal - conservative political spectrum? (United States)

brought to you by Quizilla
its only funny cuz its true   
05:38pm 10/02/2003

What's YOUR sexual fetish?
brought to you by Quizilla
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05:31pm 10/02/2003
  Sexy-like Vampire
Sexy-like Vampire

What type of vampire are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
i already knew i was a sexy vamp.   
03:05pm 10/02/2003
mood: devious
Sexy-like Vampire

What type of vampire are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
3 updates in one day , hells frozen over!   
12:31am 10/02/2003
mood: frustrated
Friday night after work Cinthea and i are going to a sweet dinner for V-Day.We are going to dress up , i know she wants to dress up and everything so thats what we'l do.
I really wanted to take a long walk on the sand at the beach afterwards under the moon and stars.
I want to go somewhere other than just dinner ,maybe il find another place for us to go , a quiet place for us to just get away and hold eatchother.
It will be a special night , i just know it.
Well i just got back from "chillin" at daniels house with the crew.
Uh.... ok well im spacing out so il just stoo here.


If anyone doesnt know about the wreckers ball and likes psychobilly then you suck... but go anyway for a fun time of pomps , rockabilly and GORE!!!!!!! and a bit of satan
man oh man...   
02:55pm 09/02/2003
mood: dirty
i guess you all were right , i shouldve seen it
everything i saw in that bullshit flag was lies and more lies.... i hate to say it ....but its true.

--------------------------------------------------Growing up my mind was molded to believe in a flag a non existant dream
of liberty prosperity equality
I fallowed the lines , i thought like i was taught and i wasted my time
invest my life into your broken wing society
it was built on blood , you cant deny , you deny those who died
Loyalty i gave my loyalty and gave me nothing but empty promises
and empty statements ,lady liberty , you failed , failed me

The constitunion states no one should be deprived the right to live
but whats this genocide i witness every single day
those who fought for you and your rugged flag now
freeze on street corners trying to survive everyday
is this right , the right to be poor? the right to die? the right
to give our lifes and souls to you while you strip us of our selves

violence is all i ever see , people dying , politician lying , this world
is a living hell , love it or leave you say it to my face , this country isnt yours , this country
isnt yours united under god , god bless america you say his name in vain , killing
for the name of god and government , the next your telling me god is dead , hes in your head

... Athiest society telling me God is dead , hes in your head
your mouths are wide open look your eyes are shut
your society your dreams your lies your politics
are as worthless as a pile of a rats vile vomit
it makes me sick to my stomach.

my thoughts on this war......

Drop the bomb , here we come , attack attack , war is here
kill everybody thats not with us , its world war 3 , kill iraq
Their from the middle east , their only towel heads who'l miss em anyway?
Americanize the uncivilized , take control ,fight the fight ,drop the bomb!

Who are the real terrorist? the Middle east or the united states?>!>

lets invade , we have the right , in the name of god and country
lets shoot our guns and wave our flags are you proud to be stupid?
youre killing the children of god , your killing yourselves

See a child with a dirty face ,his mom and dad been shot , a disgrace
look into his dead eyes , look what youve become
a murderer , WHY?... WHY?!

Who are the real terrorist? the Middle east or the united states?>!>

fuck it yo ..... i dont want to be americanized anymore.

ps: my neighors are having the loudest sex ever... earplugs !.
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02:54pm 09/02/2003
mood: sore
I miss Cinthea so very much , I feel like im getting closer to her everyday.
I envited her to my prom ,it's going to be great.
She asked me if we could go "goth" , im cool with that.
Im hoping il get to see her real soon ,im going crazy!

Aight well , im doing good just incase anyone cares.I'm looking for a new job because my current one
is only giving me two days a week ,AH!.
Last night was spent chilling at Sara's house with Tiffany , Shawn ,A, Isabel , David , Alex , Lizz , Daniel , Jake and lindsay.
Jake drank a bottle of tapatio chile sauce...... disgusting.
Gosh, i'm really just wishing tonight could be a Carlos - Cinthea night , i miss kissing and cuddling her.

The effing Wreckers Ball is coming up !!! may 25th, The Quakes (my fav psycho band), barnyard ballers , dragstrip demons , its going to be about 16 psychobilly/gothabilly bands , i cannot wait.

The 22nd is the Call , i'm looking forward to that sucka'.

My back has been hurting horribly the last week , i dont know what it is , i need a back rub or something.

My hairs growing back , maybe if im smart il let it grow out enough so i can get a pomp , or just a psycho cut , i dunno.if i do itl be long enough to be put into a devil lock.

Aight well im out , i love you for reading this!
07:50pm 30/01/2003
mood: crazy
if i didn't think this was right , you'd hear it.i think this will serve a bigger purpous than we could ever imagine , i love you.a love brought us together , and a love will hold us together.
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stole it from lx   
01:41pm 30/01/2003
  Have you ever:
1. Kissed your cousin: no
2. Ran away: no.
3. Pictured your crush naked: have you?!
5. Broken someone's heart: ... yeah..
6. Been in love: Jesus , Sugar bugger! hah
7. cried when someone you knew dies? a few times
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: yes
9. Broken a bone: yes
11. Lied: nah , never
12. Cried in school: 1st grade , fell , scraped knee , tottaly embarassed.

23. What do you notice first: eyes, nose, hands , hair
24. Last person you slow danced with: Cinthea and i did the Tango
25. Worst Question To Ask: I don't know

26. Showered: Yesterday morning
27. Had Sex: About a year ago

WHAT IS (your favorite):
29. Your Good Luck Charm: Cinthea
30. Person You Hate Most: The Goatwhore , i mean Goatlord
31. Best Thing That Has Happened: Jesus
32. Color: Black
33. Movie: Night Of The Living Dead
34. Subject in school: English
35. Juice: Juice Shack .... God sent.
36. Cars: 1940's Ford Droptops , Anything Chevy pre 60's.
37. Ice Cream: coconut baby.
39. Season: Fall
40. Breakfast Food: Pancakes
41. Song: So many... "minor threat" by minor threat , "Straight Edge" by minor threat,
"Straight Edge Revenge" by project x , "CHAOS" By the 4-Skins, "Product" by the business.... ANYTHING crashdog.
42. Favorite food: Cheesecake
43. Makes you laugh the Most: Cinthea, shes way too cute.
44. Makes you smile: God , Cinthea , Alex.
45. Can make you feel better no matter what: Jesus ,Cinthea
46. Has A Crush On You: Everyone , im a babe. KIDDING.
47. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: C-I to the nthea
48. Who Has it easier? Job.... hahaha
49. Gives you A Funny Feeling When You See Them: Shawn , Ryan , Javi

50. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: nah
51. Save AIM conversations: nah
52. Save Emails: if you only knew
53. Wish you were someone else: yup nope
54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: nooo

55. Hairstyle: Shaved Head, Devil Lock.
56. Cologne: B.O
57. Perfume: B.O
58. Kiss: My hand in elementary school

60. Kissed the same sex?: NO
61. Fallen for your best friend?: yes
62. Made out with JUST a friend?: no
63. Been rejected?: yes
64. Been in love?: yes
65. Been in lust?: yeah , lust controls me , i hate it
66. Used someone?: no
67. Been used: most likely
68. Cheated on someone?: yes
69. Been cheated on?: too many times
70. Been kissed?: yes
71. Done something you regret?:

72. You touched?: Arianne , chillin at in and out .
73. You talked to?: Mom
74. You hugged?: Arianne
75. You instant messaged?: Brandy
76. You kissed?: Cinthea , my only.
77. You had sex with?: Garbage ,past is past , burn it.
78. You yelled at?: Mom
80. Who broke your heart?: My Ex.
81. Who told you they loved you?: Cinthea

82. Color your hair?: The color of my haor or do i?
83. Have tattoos?: not yet
84. Have piercings?: no
85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?: Girlfriend
86. Own a webcam?: no
87. Own a thong?: heeeeeck no
88. Ever get off the damn computer?: sometimes
89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?: nope i dont understand dutch
90. Habla espanol?: yeah
91. Quack?: bark

Have you/do you/are you...
92. Stolen anything?:yes
93. Smoke?: the past is past
94. Schizophrenic?:no
95. Obsessive?: cheesecake
96. Compulsive?: eater
97. Obsessive compulsive?: eater
98. Panic?: nah , i hardly EVER worry.
99. Anxiety?: na
100. Depressed?: yes im going to kill myself right now...
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03:12pm 29/01/2003
  "I invented the internet".
- Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
- Alan Minter, Boxer
"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
- Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Charles De Gaulle, former French President

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
- David Acfield

"It is white."
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London

"We're going to move left and right at the same time."
- Jerry Brown, Governor of California
happy to mad   
01:54pm 29/01/2003
mood: whatev.
Aight i'm back,

Last night i went to my girlfriends house last night and we drove around and chilled..
Her parents took us to dinner wich was really cool.I really like her mom and dad , i like them alot.
Afterwards we went back to her house and snuggled.
Earlier in the day we drove up her street in my car at like 4 miles an hour and her nieghbors were
giving us wierd looks... she was tottaly embarassed.. and i was having a blast.
I somehow got The Comeback Kid and The Damage Done to play at the stairwel on march 9th,
its going to be break neck.This saturday we put HG to death... thats right , no more HG ....
we are burying everything it ever was and starting a new chapter.
I think im becoming more sensitive towards people... praise God.
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12:42pm 27/01/2003
mood: hot
"temptations become my desires
no sign of conviction
as a dog returns to his vomit
I return to my inequities
chords of death entangle me
torrents of destruction fall upon me
chords of the grave coil around me
snares of death confront me
in my distress I call out to God for help
die to your ways
You're the victim of you"

Embrace The Eternal and live again
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02:56pm 25/01/2003
mood: shocked
My girlfriend is going to marry a little brown midget and have midget sex with it.
11:02am 24/01/2003
mood: excited
Last night was great , Cinthea and Carlos time.
I drove up after school and got there to find her dog snorting at me.We drove to get gas first then headed to jack in the box to get some food.My plan was to have a picnic but the tables at the park were locked in fencing so that didn't happen.We headed back to her house and ate our dinner.Cinthea wanted to go to Target to buy kitty stuff so we went there.As i was looking at movies i hear my name over the intercom "Carlos Velasquez please report to the guest services desk".Ok , so i just let it pass thinking i heard wrong or there was another CV but as i'm walking to the check outs i see Cinthea laughing at me.
I wanted to tackle her down and bite her hahaha , i love her.We went to her house and played hungry hungry hippos ..... henry was a flake.After Cinthea brutalized me at h.h.h we sat on her couch and cuddled listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Ok so now i'm sitting here wishing she was in my arms , i already miss her.


Wednesday night it was announced that HG must decide where we are headed and what are plans are for the future.It's no surprise to me that people have been questioning it.We've gone from over 150 kids to 10 and we do the SAME thing EVERY Wednesday.Are we burying it? is it dead?.It is , everything we once were.... its dead.We need to start knew ,whether with a new name and approach ,i dont know.We need to do more outreach ,we arent doing a good job at that.We are a torso with no arms.
I loved how we used to go out and just make friends with random people , give out food , have weekly shows.i dont know.this week we lost another blessing to the hg family.but i know he feels its in his heart to move on.
That flame that was once on my heart has been light again and il lay down my life and let this be my ministry , this i know could be an amazng thing ,better than before.i think that some people need to remember tho ,
its not about how many people we come in contact with , its how many relationships we have.
i think if God allows this , it could be on heck of a force....... Ventura needs it.
11:41pm 21/01/2003
mood: sleepy
i've been trying to grow more in christ recently.i think to a certain extent its growing
but it could be going faster and im the only one to blame , im still holding back and trying to
save some sence of pride.pride has always been big in my life ,its always been hard for me to set it aside.
i think today was a first step in renewing my thoughts.it feels a tad bit wierd but like i said...
pride ... it gets me.it is the biggest thing holding me back.
I miss Cinthea , I love you sweety.

blah im tired , im going to bed.
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03:01pm 19/01/2003
  "we rejoice in the hope in the glory of God,
Not only so , but we also rejoice in our sufferings because
we know that suffering brings forth persevernce" Romams 5:2